My pet cat just died this morning and I’m deeply hurt. This is my own Friday the 13th story.
I adopted Ronan last August. Nurtured him back to his full health and blessed to have a sweet though bratty (he is a cat after all!) feline.
Not just a cat
I’ve always been a cat person but I never had another cat since I lost my childhood pet cat named Snow White (he is a boy). He didn’t die. I just woke up one day that he was gone. Almost 3 decades later, my father told me he had to send it away because of my asthma. I can’t remember crying or being sad maybe because there were other cats in our house.
Ronan, he fulfilled my dream of a perfect pet cat. For years when my kids became bigger, I’ve been yearning for a cat. Ronan came into our lives. He is MY pet. I was his human. Of all the humans in our home, we all know I am his chosen one.
He became my companion.
Sleeping alone when my husband is traveling for work became easier when Ronan came to our lives. He gave me that emotional support that someone is with me in the house. Amazingly, when my husband is around, he leaves us alone. He knows his place.
After dropping the kids to school or when I’m home, it was just me and Ronan in the house. He might spend his day sleeping but he was there. I was not alone.
A big cat, sometimes I mistook another person inside our home that I had to put a bell collar for me to know that it’s him walking around the house.
He was my shadow.
Any pet owner can attest to this. Your pet adores you. Even for a cat’s personality, he follows me everywhere. And he wants me to keep up with his schedule – when he wants to go up late at night, I have to accompany him or else he won’t stop howling.
Early morning, we go down after waking up together that I often step on his tail. Later, he would even follow me in the restroom – just like a child.
He was our buddy.
My kids adore him. He is adorable. He was just easy to love. My husband who “hates” cats fell in love with him. He built a peaceful rapport with our longtime guinea pig Jessy. He was a gentle cat.
When your cat gets sick…
Three days ago, I woke up Ronan’s poop in our living room floor. Just as a thought. I realized, it was his vomit – his food.
After a few minutes, he came down and just lay down. It was odd since we usually go down to the living room together. I then heard a gargling sound – I thought it was from our water system – only to realized it was my cat creating the sound he then vomited a small froth.
Then I remember that night before my kids and I were teasing him because it took him a long time to finish his business in his litter box.
A few minutes, he vomited that frothy thing again. He spent that day sleeping and when I try to carry him, he seems in pain. There, I felt a big hard mass in his abdomen.
My cat is dying
Vomiting, refusal to eat and drink, and in pain when using his litter box – I know it was serious. And that hard mass. I already felt that mass in his abdomen since we came from Christmas vacation that I was wondering if he is pregnant – his previous owner told me he might be a girl (he is a boy). I often feel that lump but I thought it was just a fat deposit.
But this time it was quite bigger, it was round and hard. I was surprised how it got too big right away. Added with his vomiting, fatigue, and loss of appetite I was preparing for the end game.
Later that night, he went inside one of our bathrooms and stayed there. That’s the moment I knew he was dying. He didn’t vomit again but he was lethargic.
As a cat person, I know that when a cat is dying, they tend to run away and die in peace. And staying in our bathrooms (he also stayed in my room’s bathroom) was his way of reclusion for an imminent death.
That’s I decided that there is no point in going to the vet. Unfortunately, I live in a city where there is no adequate healthcare for felines. We had to find a vet that can inject anti-rabies to cats – most of them only caters to dog patients. We didn’t even have an injection for anti-flees because my vet doesn’t have one – we settled for a spray.
Decades ago, we also had a pet dog that got sick. Went to an animal hospital and he just died. Given this experience and the lack of facilities, I know my cat will not be saved. I don’t want to bury him dissected. I wanted him to die in peace and intact.
I spent the night, prepping my kids that our cat might die. I believe that cats heal themselves and I was hoping he will bring back himself to life. I told my kids not to touch him or carry him. This is one thing that I regret.
I wish I could have held me one last time. But I know he was in pain and felt sick after carrying him and with the coronavirus pandemic, I don’t want to risk my kids in case there are germs from a dying cat.
Farewell Ronan
While preparing for supplies for the coronavirus, I regularly check on him in the bathroom. A sigh of relief whenever I see his torso go up and down – he was still breathing. Yesterday, I was hopeful because finally, he went out of my bathroom, went down the stairs and slept in one of the stairs. I thought his energy was back but after an hour or two, he just went to the bathroom downstairs.
Today, I refused to get up the usual. As I heard my husband in the kitchen, I thought to get a few minutes of sleep. When I finally went down, my husband done with cooking breakfast for our schoolboys was in the garden – it seems normal to me. That’s when he told me Ronan is dead and we had to say goodbye.
My husband placed him near our garden, the spot where he loved to laze in the afternoon watching the birds. I thought my husband was wrong because he looked alive his fur was still soft but he was very heart. His eyes still sleepy open but when his whole body was hard, it was end game…yet my cat still looked adorable except he was hard as a rock.
I wish we said goodbye longer but it was the morning school rush. Could it have been better though? Pet him one last time and said our goodbyes. The emotional strain was abrupt but it didn’t give me a strong memory of his death state.
For a second I was accepting it because he was really dying for 2 days, but it slowly sank into my psyche, the grief started consuming me. I lost and will never be with my beloved Ronan again. I felt someone pushed their fist into my chest, reached my heart and started crushing it.
Wept in my bed and my husband told me my kid cried a lot on their way to school. I asked myself, ” Why does it hurt this bad? He is just a pet?”. But again, he was not just a pet. He was our family member. My sweet fur baby.
Ronan was a special cat that came into our lives. A special cat that will never be replaced.
Our house became more silent even when Ronan spends the day just sleeping. It’s been just a few hours since Ronan was gone but we already miss him. Even or guinea pig is silent today.
The routine and the emptiness he left in our home. It gives me a heavy feeling whenever I go up to my room and no one is following me or when I glance at his favorite spot and he is no longer there.
We will miss him rubbing his head/cheeks and all his affection at night. I will miss him lying on his back asking for a belly rub while I work. Most of all, we miss his soothing presence in our home.
It’s funny that now I’m looking for any fur that I can put in my memorabilia box when before I get mad when I see his hair flying in the house. How many times I reprimand him of scratching our couch yet now I slide my fingers remembering how he used to leap and attach his talons on the fabrics. Seeing those marks on our couch serves another memory of our sweet feline.
Ronan, we only had you for seven months but our memories will be life-long. Right now, we might be in pain and grief but sooner, we will be talking about you, especially your antics with laughter and joy.
I hope we made you happy. I hope you let you feel loved. I hope you felt like a part of our family.
Thank you for the love, Ronan. We will forever miss you!
